[NSFW] The Adventures of John and Puff the Magic Dragon

Xavier in NSFW

This time we want to show you crazy adventures of John and Puff the Magic Dragon!

We love you guys, so of course, it's only natural for us to share the finest things with our loved ones. You are bound to hate us with such passion and love us with the strength of a thousand tattoo needles.

Crying gif
Crying gif

John Bevan was a 63- year-old widower who realised his flaming homosexuality some time after his wife's passing. He has since then embraced this, luckily residing in the gay-friendly community of South Wales, he's gotten to live out some of his wildest dreams about a decade ago. He is apparently the proud owner of a famous penis dragon tattoo done by Dave Fleet. His was probably one of the first of elaborate wanger tattoos in the darkest parts of internet as evidence of this had been floating around as early as 2006. But before we get things further John seems like a really nice and lively guy. I hope we get a chance to have a chat with him.

John and Puff the Magic Dragon
John and Puff the Magic Dragon

In interviews and scattered appearances in the world wide web, he seemed to be a highly energetic and a very candid sixty-something who wants to make the best out of the rest of his life as a gay man. Aside from that, there's not much we know about him except for the fact that he's in possession of one of the freakiest tattoos around. But in an old Vice interview, he mentioned how he likes gardening, woodworking, metalworking among other things your average grandpa probably enjoys doing as well. Only kinkier. Oh and did we mention? He loves sex. And he seemed to have had a lot of it since breaking up with his boyfriend of five years then.

You're saying he's about forty years older than I am and yet he's getting some way more than I have?!?
You're saying he's about forty years older than I am and yet he's getting some way more than I have?!?

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Take note that this was John's first tattoo so he had absolutely no idea how much it would hurt except for the fact that it's really going to hurt. A lot. The piece started with a four-hour session which consisted of anaesthetic Ametrope which is supposed to last for four hours but would gradually wear off after the first thirty minutes. Getting tattooed on the arm already felt like being at war against your cat Pudge, what more with getting a tattoo on your genitals? On your private area. On your reproductive organs? That you use for urination. And copulation. Which supposed to have a gazillion nerve endings. Which means getting poked by several needles so, so many times in a minute, on your PENIS, of all places, is gonna hurt like a bitch.

John and Puff the Magic Dragon
John and Puff the Magic Dragon

Well, John claimed that the dragon wasn't 'awake' for the most of it, because he and Dave were too busy trying to keep up with the rapid decline of the effect of the anaesthetic. Because really, you're going to need more than the usual dose if you're going to get your dong tattooed. And by the way, you're free to write fan fictions about what might have happened during all those long 'sessions' John and Dave spent. It's highly unlikely anything really happened, but we can't stop whatever's going in your head, can we now?

Crazy penis tattoo
Crazy penis tattoo

Portrayed in the following image is the reaction Tattoodo readers are expected to have, thanks to the dashing Vince McMahon:

John and Puff the Magic Dragon
John and Puff the Magic Dragon

And of course, there's the guy with the weird boner.

Omg..
Omg..

If you're curious what Bevan's sex life must be like, he's been pretty vague about it but he definitely has quite a way of expressing them. He fondly talks of his member in interviews, in ways that's probably gonna get him fired if he's working in a very professional field (he's a pensioner). Well, his former boyfriend loved it and so does his other sex partners (who knows how many; I really don't want to find out).

John and Puff the Magic Dragon
John and Puff the Magic Dragon
Dragon penis tattoo
Dragon penis tattoo

Anyway, if you're familiar with the original Puff the Magic Dragon, sung by trio Peter Joseph and Mary, sing along:

Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honnah Lee

John and Puff the Magic Dragon
John and Puff the Magic Dragon

I'm not going into it any further because the rumoured meaning of the song (which is it might be a song about weed) doesn't really concern the tattoo. Or does it? Because I think you have to be so stoned to go through this. I mean, it's not like you're getting an infinity level on your tattoo. But I guess if one can feel the pain from the combined disappointment of the internet has for every teenage girl who gets an infinity tattoo, it may be pretty close. But it's the damn penis we're talking about here! A full piece at that!

Just look at all that pain...
Just look at all that pain...

All in all, John Bevan's wonder penis took a total of 85 hours to complete. He revealed in a brazen interview the preparations  he had to go through to make this dream of his possible. This includes the initial pain he expected versus the actual thing. Which surprisingly, didn't hurt him as much as he expected. Since it was the sixty-something's firs time getting a tattoo, they ad to test areas first that the tattoo will, ironically speaking, cover.

John and Puff the Magic Dragon
John and Puff the Magic Dragon

John adoringly talks of his dear little Johnson:

‘It was painful but worth it. You can’t see much when it’s asleep but it’s a monster when it’s awake!’

John crazy tattoo
John crazy tattoo

That's gotta be some awkward encounter, if ever, with Daizha Morgann-- the girl with a pet octopus that will forever cling to her ass.

Crazy butt tattoo
Crazy butt tattoo

Aside from tattoos, John also experimented with piercings. He claimed to have had twelve genital piercings to try and make his willy unique. The size of the genital piercing he has in the viral photos was a 5mm by 34mm long bar. It's meant to go along with his wonderful dink art, the colour of which supposedly gets brighter when 'fully awake' perhaps he thought a result of the extra blood supply.

Hold f*cking on. That's not all. Nope.

John
John

You may have seen the, uhm, tip of the iceberg. But since we love you, you're going to have to see the rest of it.

John and his ridiculous tattoo
John and his ridiculous tattoo

Good luck sleeping.

We're trying to get a hold of John and his tattoo artist, Dave Fleet for now. In the meantime, enjoy reading these comments people had for John and Puff.

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Let's call it a day.

Bye Bye
Bye Bye

Xavier

@Xavier

When she's not writing for Tattoodo, Xavier likes experimenting with art and organizing local music shows. We're kidding, she's probably asleep. Follow her on Instagram @claudia_strife

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