Mankind has been plagued by a tough question since the dawn of time – how best to remove excess poop from one’s anus after taking a dump. Centuries of trial and error have yielded a workable solution in toilet paper. The average American uses 23.6 rolls of toilet paper a year and interacts with it on the daily. It never occurred to us to get a toilet paper tattoo, but in a moment of inspiration post-bowel movement, we realized it probably occurred to other people. And boy, it sure did.
To start off with, we’re just going to include the full Wikipedia definition of toilet paper, because it’s really funny to us. According to this bastion of knowledge, “Toilet paper is a tissue paper product used by people primarily for the ablution of the anus and surrounding area of fecal material after defecation and by human females for cleaning the perineal area of urine after urination and other bodily fluid releases.”
Like many of the finer things in life, toilet paper comes to us from China. It was here that the first recorded use of toilet paper is documented, circa the 6th century. Up until this time, human beings had been scraping poo off their buttholes with a variety of implements. The Romans used sponges on sticks, early Jewish peoples used special pebbles carried in a bag, while elsewhere around the world grass, leaves, snow, corn cobs, plant husks, fruit skins, and even sea shells were employed for the dirtiest of tasks. Another highly popular and successful method consists of just shitting into the river or sea.
Modern toilet paper as we know it originated in the United States. Joseph Gayetty saw his invention unleashed upon the anuses of the world in 1857. And Gayetty’s Medicate Paper was sold until the 1930’s, when the splinter-free toilet paper rage hit. Since then toilet paper has only been getting softer, and wiping one’s ass has never felt so good.
Considering we all use toilet paper every day, it’s safe to say it is more a part of our lives than perhaps any other inanimate object. Of course there’d be a few zany souls among us who would decorate their skin with a toilet paper tattoo. Just take a gander at these amazing testaments to anally cleanliness.
Whether you hang your TP over or under, you’ve gotta give it up for these toilet paper tattoos. While we wouldn’t wipe our asses with them (despite other body parts being a historically acceptable method of doing so), we love these tattoos.