If you don't love Dolly Parton, there may be something deeply wrong with you, and you should probably take an entire day off work to listen to her music and watch her films, and then stay up through the night performing a comprehensive moral inventory. If she can't save you, then it's likely that nobody can. As for the rest of us, we can't get enough of her, especially when she's willing to open up about her practically mythical tattoos.
Even since keen-eyed fans put two and two together years ago, noticing that she always wears long sleeves and that what appeared to be tattoos slipped out from underneath her clothes occasionally, the question of whether or not she is actually inked has gathered quite a mystique.
A groundbreaking moment in the widespread effort to solve this mystery occurred when Jennifer Sanders' released her book Bonkers: My Life in Laughs (2014), in which there was a passage about the time Parton showed Sanders and Rosanne Barr her tattoos, breasts and all. This only fanned the flames of fans' insatiable curiosity, until she finally admitted to having a few tattoos on Today later that year. Since then she hasn't opened up about her body art, until now that is.
"I don’t really like to make a big to-do of it because people make such a big damn deal over every little thing," said Parton in a recent interview with Vanity Fair. "But most of the tattoos, when I first started, I was covering up some scars that I had, ‘cause...I have a tendency where if I have any kind of scars anywhere then they kind of have a purple tinge that I can never get rid of. So mine are all pastels, what few that I have, and they’re meant to cover some scars. I’m not trying to make some big, bold statement.”
There it is, folks. Parton doesn't feel the need to flaunt her tattoos, which actually serve a very practical purpose, and why would she? She's pretty much the most amazing person to ever walk the earth as it is, covered in pastels or not.
Here's to hoping that Parton will eventually show us at least one of her tattoos though, even if it's not in the same risqué fashion that Jennifer Saunders recounts in the video above. Happy belated birthday, Dolly!