"Everyone knows the umbrella incident happened at a gas station."
There are bad movies, and then there are movies that are so heinously horrific they’ve actually come full circle and are teetering on the edge of instant classic. Britney Ever After, the new Lifetime Britney Spears biopic, crosses into such hilariously bad territory that it may well be our personal choice for Best Television Motion Picture at the 2017 Golden Globes. Similar to Sharknado or The Liz Taylor biopic starring Lindsay Lohan, Britney Ever After makes you seriously question who at the network thought making an unauthorized film about the pop star’s life and poorly chronicling her infamous, albeit incredibly tragic 2007 breakdown, said, “Yes. This is a brilliant idea!” But then again, if they hadn’t we wouldn’t be blessed with the Justin/Britney post-break up dance numbers at the club, so…
The movie is told in a series of flashbacks that chronicle the events from the release of her first single in 1998, to the aftermath of her breakdown in 2007 touching on all those infamous bases in between. We have to say that the N*SYNC surprise birthday serenade was one of the few highlights, with JT casually slipping a “you’re one year older, girl” in between verses. Then of course, there was the iconic Britney vs. The Paparazzi umbrella fiasco which did pose a few historical inaccuracies. “Mostly I was shocked, confused, and insulted. They even got the littlest things wrong. Everyone knows the umbrella incident happened at a gas station.” says Kaitlin Mount of Los Angeles, who considers herself a long time Britney fan. “Lifetime should have just played the music video for 'Lucky' on repeat for 90 minutes. That would have had more depth than this shit.”
Although what the internet seems to have latched onto (rightfully so, we might add) was the absolutely absurd Justin Timberlake/Britney Spears post-break up dance off in which the two battle it out early 2000s style. “The actress did an okay job at attempting her signature moves,” says Maritza Aguirre of Boston, “but I also think that they did a terrible job at recreating her iconic performances.”
Britney Ever After did provide for a few hearty laughs, just as the many made-for-television trash films that came before it, although it failed in nearly every single other aspect. Britney Spears is a living legend, and she was not deserving of this monstrosity of a Lifetime movie, but then again neither was J.K. Rowling or Liz Taylor. And so we say: leave Britney alone.