We here at Tattoodo are known for two things: our kickass pictures of tattoos and our diligent Hollywood reporting. This summer sees the hotly anticipated release of The Emoji Movie. To celebrate, we’re bringing you some pictures of totally radical emoji tattoos, but, more importantly, Tattoodo has also obtained an exclusive insider scoop on the movie in the form of a transcript of the pitch meeting between writer/director Tony Leondis, his agent Mike Esola, and various suits at Columbia Pictures.
Mike Esola: Thanks so much for meeting with us, guys. We’ve got this really great idea, and we think you’re going to love it.
Exec 1: Well, we all loved Tony’s work on Lilo and Stitch 2...
Exec 2: And Igor.
Exec 1: That’s right. We’re excited to hear what you’ve got for us.
Tony Leondis: Well, I appreciate the kind words gentlemen… What I’ve got is a script for an animated movie…
Esola: Animation is so fuckin’ huge right now, guys.
Exec 1: Yes, we know, we make hundreds of millions annually off of…
Esola: But you know what’s even hotter? Emojis.
Exec 2: Emojis? Is that like some new Japanese cartoon that we should turn into a live action movie with the prettiest white people we can get our hands on?
Esola: No, emojis are like… they’re those little… like smiley face pictures...
Leondis: On your phone.
Esola: Yeah on your phone!
Exec 1: Oh my granddaughter sends me those sometimes, but I don’t know how to make them.
Leondis: Well, I’ve written a script where all the characters are emojis.
Exec 2: Do you want us to replace the emojis with pretty white people?
Esola: No. They’re emojis. Talking emojis. My assistant says it’s one of the funniest scripts she’s ever read.
Exec 1: You mean to tell me you’ve written a script where all the characters are those tiny little smiley face things on my phone?
Esola: You bet your ass he did.
Exec 2: We’ll give you a million dollars for it.
Leondis: But you haven’t even… Ouch!
Exec 1: Did you just kick him, Mike?
Esola: What? Heaven’s no. What he meant to say is we’ll take two million.
Exec 2: Well, hold on, that’s quite an investment… Can we see if we can get some talent attached first?
Exec 1: Sir Patrick Stewart owes me big time.
Exec 2: Get him on the line.
Sir Patrick Stewart: Hello, yes. Patrick Stewart here. How may I assist you?
Exec 1: Patrick, hey buddy. I’m here with the guy who did Lilo and Stitch 2
Stewart: Ah! Stitch Has a Glitch! It’s one of my all-time favorite direct-to-video Disney sequels. You’ve got Tony Leondis there? The Tony Leondis?
Leondis: Yes, hello, Sir Patrick. I’ve written a script about emojis and there’s a part in it that I think...
Stewart: My grandson loves emojis! I’ll take the part.
Leondis: But I haven’t told you about… Ow!
Stewart: Are you alright? It sounded like someone kicked you.
Esola: He’s fine, Patrick.
Stewart: So, who am I to play this time?
Leondis: Well, I thought you’d be hilarious as the poop emoji.
Stewart: Excuse me, the poop emoji? The one that’s just a big pile of shit? You want me to provide the voice of a big pile of talking shit?
Leondis: That’s correct, sir.
Stewart: I’d be delighted to! The poop emoji makes me laugh every time. Every single time.
Exec 2: Thanks, Patrick. We’ll be in touch.
Esola: So? Two million dollars?
Exec 1: You’ve got yourselves a deal, boys.
The Emoji Movie is in theaters July 28th. It’s going to be like if these cool emoji tattoos could tell shitty jokes. Get hyped.