Life never goes the way you expect it to and no further proof of this is needed beyond that fact that I currently live in New Jersey. The idea that this place is a total shithole was ingrained into my young psyche through several lyrics found in the catalog of the Bloodhound Gang, alongside a host of other great life lessons. But some nine million odd people call this place home, and not all of them can be full-blown idiots, can they? People live happy lives here and they are proud to call New Jersey home. I know, it blows my mind too. Some of these denizens of this here state take that pride to the next level with New Jersey tattoos. So let’s take a look at some of those while also looking at what makes New Jersey New Jersey.
I’ve heard it said that “Jersey understands Jersey,” and I can’t help but equating this cliché to “stupid is as stupid does” every time I hear it. I swear, the urban planning here is the worst I have ever seen. New Jersey is great if you’re into driving 40 miles to get somewhere that is only 20 miles away as the crow flies. And the drivers themselves… Good lord, what a bunch of fucking pricks. It’s like to drive in this state you have to leave all your common sense and human decency in your driveway. Or, more likely, the street parking you had to drive around for 45 minutes to find.
And NJ Transit is probably the worst-run network of trains I’ve ever had to deal with. Featuring a functionality just slightly above that of Cincinnati's subway, NJ Transit trains are the closest thing to Dante’s Inferno imaginable. I swear, everyone else on these trains is fucking dead and being punished for their misdeeds and I’m just along for the ride.
The state is also incredibly corrupt and run by imbeciles, but that’s sort of everywhere these days.
As someone who has seen a large portion of this country, allow me to let you in on a little secret – everywhere sucks. Portland? Sucks. Austin? Sucks. New York City? Suuucks. There’s no magic city or state that’s just right for your Goldilocks ass; the trick is to find a place that sucks in ways you find subjectively acceptable. And right now, New Jersey sucks in ways I can handle. And by handle, I mean get high enough to forget about the fact that living here is probably giving me cancer.
The one thing New Jersey is actually good at is being more affordable than NYC. I’m in Jersey, paying half of what I paid for the worst room in all of Bed-Stuy for an actually nice place. I can go out to eat and not spend $30. And not being in New York City 24/7 sure goes a long way towards making me appreciate it a lot more when I do go into the city. Thanks, New Jersey.
With so many millions of people living in this shithole, it’s no wonder that some of them embrace it solely because it’s their shithole. Just take a look at these tattoos that show off the plague that is Jersey Pride. And be thankful that you don’t live here. If you do live here, I’d imagine there’s a good chance you want to kick my ass at this point.
There are 50 states and New Jersey is one of them. These New Jersey tattoos are a painful reminder of that fact.