You could probably fuck an armpit if you wanted to. I’d never really considered it, but after weeks of extensive research for this piece on armpit tattoos, the thought did cross my mind. But who wants to be on the receiving end of that when there are so many better things to do with an armpit — such as putting your hand in it to make fart sounds or getting a rad armpit tattoo?
I myself caved hard in the face of temptation to get an armpit tattoo, having my left armpit filled with cherry blossoms. I thought it would produce a funny sort of dissonance if I had something that smelled good in a place that usually smells not so good. It’s consistently gotten laughs out of me over the years, and that’s all that matters.
My personal experience with my armpit tattoo was actually really fascinating. It hurt, a lot, but I’ve had worse (specifically ribs.) My artist also asked me if I wanted to have some fun with it and try out a sample of black light-reactive pink ink. Of course I said yes. The effect actually works really well, but I don’t find my armpit under a black light as often as I thought I would. But the most interesting part of the process was that I swear I woke up the next day with a fully-healed tattoo in my armpit. I had no scabbing, no pain, no sensitivity. It was as if those cherry blossoms had always been there. Your mileage will definitely vary, and I’ve sort of come to the conclusion that this was the result of me having mutant healing abilities that are localized solely within my armpits.
Armpits not may be the most… attractive part of the human body, but like every other corner of unsightly flesh, tattoo ink can go a long way in polishing a turd. Just check out all of these rad armpit tattoos if you don’t believe us.
Are you considering getting your own armpit tattoo now? It’s not like you’re doing anything better with it, like letting someone have sex with it.