I was recently afforded the opportunity to experience the world’s fastest commuter train while on a layover in Shanghai. I sat back and watched the Chinese scenery fly by at speeds of nearly 250 miles per hour. All the while my mind was thoroughly blown by the technology at play. You see, this particular train didn’t touch the track at all. It floated. Using magnets. I couldn’t stop thinking about magnets, and of course that got me thinking about magnet tattoos.
The practical applications of magnets are limitless. I’d love to go into the physics behind magnets, but as we all know literally no one understands how they work. And that’s cool with us. We enjoy the mystical nature of unknown scientific frontiers.
But here’s what we do now about this amazing maglev train. It holds a place in the Guinness Book of World Records for being the fastest train a passenger can ride. It was developed at a price of 1.2 billion dollars and took three years to construct. It has also lost a shit ton of money, because the route it takes is also serviced by a much cheaper regular ass train that doesn’t float on a billion dollar magnet.
If you find yourself with a layover at Shanghai’s Pudong Airport (which I lovingly refer to as Fecespenis International), you should consider taking a ride on this amazing train. It will drop you off at totally busted mall with a McDonalds and KFC. Here you can find endless hours of entertainment at Brave Baby Sport Club, a daycare featuring fully motorized playground equipment and spectator seating. There is nothing more entertaining than watching a Chinese baby fly off a motorized swing. For your convenience, claw machines filled with nothing but cigarettes are available very near the entrance.
The inside of the train itself is very stained and littered with trash. On your journey you can see encampments underneath highways in the sky where the city’s poor live in houses made of literal garbage. And the speed of the ride won’t bother your eyes at all, because all the windows on the train are made of deceleration glass. This special glass makes things appear to pass by slower. Or so says the Chinese train company. After an hour of trying to research this wonder glass, I could only find it referenced in regards to this train, which makes me think the whole thing is horse shit.
Anyway, in honor of the truly amazing feat of engineering that are maglev trains, we’ve got some tattoos of magnets. You could say these magnet tattoos are super attractive. Or maybe they repel your personal sense of taste. It’s definitely a polarizing issue.
Don’t you wish you knew how magnets worked? We do too. Maybe these tattoos could inspire you to become the scientist that figures it out.