Commemorating the Violent Orgy of Destruction That Is Milk and Cheese

Commemorating the Violent Orgy of Destruction That Is Milk and Cheese

A quick look at the most unsung comic book heroes from the ‘90s, Milk and Cheese

With the news hitting the internet that David Lindelof of The Leftovers and Lost fame is working on adapting Watchmen for the small screen there is but one question in our minds — why? In a world that’s become over-saturated with comic book adaptations, why is Watchmen getting another go when there are so many more interesting and unique titles deserving of such treatment? If we had to choose but one comic to adapt to a medium of moving pictures our choice is very clear — Milk and Cheese. We’ve got a few Milk and Cheese tattoos for you today to bring attention to this terrible oversight.

Milk and Cheese are two ultraviolent dairy products that sprang from the mind of comics legend Evan Dorkin. From 1989 to 1997 these two brought pure unadulterated mayhem to indie comics in a way that has never been duplicated. These gin-swilling rascals ran around, often shouting their catchphrase “Merv Griffin!” as they maimed and mutilated anyone who even slightly deserved it.

Their run was a highlight of ‘90s indie comics. We pine for those simpler times of violent anthropomorphic dairy products in a world where indie comics are now about growing up in Iran or being childhood friends with Jeffrey Dahmer and blah blah blah.

There actually is a good reason we’ve never seen any sort of Milk and Cheese adaptation on the screen. Creator Evan Dorkin has steadfastly refused numerous offers of such treatment, claiming that the characters just would not translate well to animated form. We tip our hats to Mr. Dorkin’s integrity. Somehow keeping Milk and Cheese below the radar of mainstream pop consciousness just makes them more special and lovable. You know what, fuck you. Milk and Cheese are too good for you. You can’t handle Milk and Cheese.

Dorkin did have a brush with the small screen when his Welcome to Eltingville was turned into a pilot for Adult Swim that was sadly never picked up. We’re all sure any Milk and Cheese adaptation would be a smash hit, but they’re just too beautiful for this world. So kick back and remember the good old days of yore with a couple Milk and Cheese tattoos. It’s the best we’re gonna get.

Don’t Milk and Cheese just make you really, really want to hurt people? If you’re anything like us, you don’t need them to feel that way.

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