Australia, as we all know, is a wacky fucking wonderland when it comes to indigenous flora and fauna. The continent that’s also a country is home to some of the most unique creatures on the planet. And by god, we want to cover as many of them as we possibly can. It will be a sad day when we run out of Australian wildlife to write about, but then we’ll finally get to publish the definitive coffee-table book on the subject. Today we’ve got yet another mystical creature from down under, the wombat. Oh what’s that, you want to look at pretty pictures while you learn? Say no more, fam, because we’ve also got the wombat tattoos.
Wombats are about as weird as mammals get. They’re marsupials, so that means they’ve got a cute little pouch on their front to hold their young and their debit cards, as well as two vaginas. But unlike the rest of the marsupials, their pouches face backwards, or upside down depending on how you’re orienting yourself in relation to a wombat. This is due to the fact that the wombat lives in extensive systems of burrows that it must dig out with their teeth and claws. Thus, their pouch faces backwards as to not shovel dirt onto their young.
Wombats are nocturnal herbivores, though they will occasionally venture out on overcast days to forage. Their teeth are almost rodent-like in their sharpness, which helps with the burrowing. However, due to their burrowing nature, farmers are not the biggest fans of wombats. They used to be routinely killed as pests, cooked, and eaten. Wombat stew was a true Australian dish. Nowadays, wombats are protected species and people just eat rabbits instead.
But the most fascinating aspect of the wombat has to be its shit. These little buggers produce cubic feces, despite the absence of a cubic butthole. They use their poop to mark their territory, and like to leave it atop logs and rocks. The cubic shape is to ensure it stays in place and doesn’t roll away, like so many of our bowel movements, and is the result of compact excrement passing through a rectum lacking muscular contraction.
They are also cute as a button. Just take a look at these wombat tattoos and tell us you don’t want to pet one. It’s not a good idea, however, as wombats are more than happy to sink their teeth into people, and that’s sure to leave a mark that’s nowhere near attractive as these wombat tattoos.
If you enjoyed these wombat tattoos, do keep your eyes peeled for our next exciting Australian safari with a look a tattoos of the now-extinct Tasmanian tiger. And definitely be on the lookout for Tattoodo Presents: A Comprehensive Guide To The Plants and Animals of Australia, available in hardcover for $34.95 this fall wherever books are sold.