Tiger's back in the news. As is par for the course, that's not a good thing.
The superstar golfer was found asleep in his Mercedes Benz early Memorial Day morning by the Palm Beach County Sheriff's office and was apparently unaware of where he was, slurring his words, and generally looking not all that sober. Woods claimed he wasn't intoxicated, but that he had some adverse affects from a cocktail of prescription medications, including Vicodin. The results of the interaction with police were an arrest for a suspicion of driving under the influence and for illegally parking.
Yahoo News reports:
In co-operation with the officers on the scene, Woods stepped out of the vehicle to perform field sobriety tests. He failed all of the field tests, including reciting the alphabet backward. On that particular test, Woods said he understood what was being asked of him before saying, “Yes, recite the entire national anthem backwards.”
Ultimately, after several attempts, he completed the task.
A second officer’s report confirmed Woods did blow a 0.000 on a breathalyzer test and complied with a requested urine test.
There's two takeaways here that we think are pretty important.
First, he apparently didn't have alcohol in his system which is a good thing. Drinking and driving is fucking stupid and if you do it, you're a piece of trash.
Second, he can apparently recite the entire national anthem backwards? Fuck. We probably couldn't even recite the whole thing forward.
What does any of this have to do about tattoos? Who knows? We thought there would be plenty of sick Tiger Woods tattoos out there, but it appears there's only really one. Everything else seems to be actual tiger tattoos.
We're surprised that the greatest golfer of all time doesn't have more sick ink tributes, but we're also kind of happy about it.
Woods broke more records than any other golfer to ever live. Woods was the highest paid athlete in the world, a man who was once named "Athlete of the Decade" by Sports Illustrated, a man who was the first athlete to earn over one billion dollars in his career.
This is a man that accomplished incredible things in the sports world but also made a mind-boggling amount of extramarital hole in one's – a series of discretions that tanked his endorsement deals. In fact, analysts estimate that his dirty dicking may have cost shareholders more than 12 billion fucking dollars. That was some expensive sexual misconduct, Mr. Woods.
Anyway, if you have a Tiger Woods tattoo, please send it in to firstname.lastname@example.org. Until we update the article with some sick new ink, here are some tiger tattoos.