In this edition of Hail Corporate we’re going to be turning our eyes to the world of sports, specifically the upcoming NBA Finals. Considering that we usually use this column to showcase people who go crazy for soft drinks the color of nuclear waste or the world’s most overrated coffee, I’m sure a lot of sports fans are going to be up in arms about this choice. See, a lot of people consider their favorite team to be part of their identity, a symbol of pride in the place that you call home. Your humble writer even feels this way about the Boston Red Sox, and I hate to tell my fellow fans who believe that the teams they root for aren’t actually soulless corporations — you’re dead fucking wrong.
Which brings us to the matter at hand, the upcoming NBA Finals between the Cleveland Cavaliers and the Golden State Warriors. What’s that? The Cavs haven’t actually won their trip to the finals yet? Doesn’t matter, we all know Boston isn’t coming back. So, Cavs/Warriors. Here are two of the most loyal fan bases in the NBA. People love these teams and they get tattoos for these teams. They like to think that they are surrogates to the gritty, hardscrabble towns they hail from… WRONG.
I guess this is just a long and rambling way to remind you that your beloved sports team cares about the fans just about as much as Exxon/Mobil cares about the environment. But, that doesn’t mean that we can’t still love watching the games, dammit. Let’s get pumped for a rad NBA finals with these NBA tattoos!