Bottoming Out With Sea Monster Tattoos

Bottoming Out With Sea Monster Tattoos

We take a look at the most unexplored part of planet Earth. No, not the human soul, the ocean.

The depths of the oceans are nightmarish hellscapes, filled with creatures that evoke the most base response of terror that’s been coded into our DNA. Sure, that sentence might conjure up images of great white sharks or even narwhals, but the unknown is much more terrifying. As we’re pretty sure FDR said during his inaugural address, “We have nothing to fear except the unknown creatures of the depths.” In tribute to his wisdom we’ve got some tattoos of sea monsters for you today.

The problem with the ocean is that it’s really fucking big. Just massive. Oceans cover 71 percent of the Earth’s surface. Couple this with just how deep most of it is and you have an area that mankind could never hope to fully explore. So who knows what the hell is really down there.

Actually, we do know one thing that lies in the depths of the oceans — billions of dollars in untold treasure.

The widely accepted belief is that looking for the treasure that litters the ocean floors just isn’t worth the resources. But we think the actual truth is that treasure hunters are fucking cowards, terrified of what totally sick monsters might lurk in the depths.

Sailors of yore spoke of all sorts of terrifying sea monsters. It’s hard to believe them, what with no grainy cell phone footage of these alleged monsters. But why would a sailor lie to anyone? It just doesn’t make any sense to us. Seamen are honest folk.

Recently, scientists dredged the ocean floor near Australia and brought up all sorts of absolutely terrifying shit that we’re probably all better off not knowing about. Talk about fucking with Pandora’s Box… Just leave the ocean well alone. We don’t have gills for a reason.

Please enjoy these sea monster tattoos from the safety of land. It’s where you belong. The ocean was never meant to be man’s domain. Let the unknown sea monsters rule over it. We’ve lived in a peaceful unspoken accord with them for centuries. They never come on land to fuck shit up, so please, science, let’s extend that courtesy to them.

If these sea monster tattoos aren’t enough to make you want to stay out of the ocean forever and ever, let us remind you that in addition to harboring monsters the ocean also tastes like shit if you get it in your mouth.

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