Today's reader submission comes from Patrick based in Rockland, Massachusetts. Pat describes himself as a "true patriot" and a "beast-mode body builder" and sent us some tattoos he describes as "sick." We normally don't publish unsolicited articles, but we had to agree that these are definitely "sick" tattoos.
I was at the gym with my boy Donnie the other day, totally ripshit on creatine and doing some deadlifts when I got this crazy fucking idea that was more intense than any D-Bol I’d ever done in my life.
“Hey, Donnie! HEY, Donnie!” I screamed over the blasting riffage of my favorite metal band ever, Ghost.
(Seriously, check Ghost out. They’re so SICK. They have these costumes that are all evil and stuff. He dresses up like a Catholic priest. You know, the kind that diddle kids, but he’s like a sick demonic skeleton or whatever. It’s awesome. I have the CD. You can borrow it if you slip into my DMs. Only chicks though.)
“Yeah, bro?” Donnie said, clearly annoyed that I interrupted him when he was deadlifting like 900 pounds of pure iron.
“You know what would be so sick? If I got a tattoo, like a FULL sleeve tattoo, that had, like, pistons and gears and shit fused with, like, my muscles and blood and whatever. Like, FULL sleeve. Fully.” I replied, pausing to sip on my chocolate creatine milkshake.
“Whoa. That would be sick, bro. Totally sick!”
“I know, right? I’m gonna go to the shop and ask how much for a full sleeve.”
Next thing you know, I’m over at Wykyd Tat2’s over next to the Dancin’ Bare strip club, over there next to the highway, and I’m trying to explain what I want to Jimmy’s friend Spider John, and he’s like “Oh, yeah, biomech. We can do that. Just print me out a picture.”
Now I’m sitting here doing Google and typing in “SICK biomech tattoos and it’s like “Damn, there are so many SICK biomech tattoos. It’s like people can look half-machine and half-man like Arnold in those wicked movies where he’s a robot. Some of them make you look like an alien, like in that movie Alien with the hot chick who has her head shaved”
So I thought I’d share the wealth because I can’t get all of these sick biomech tattoos because Spider John is fucking expensive, and I owe a bunch in child support, and my public defender says that if I don’t pay this month they’re gonna put me back in the pen.
I guess that’s okay because I can get tattooed for a few packs of cigarettes there which is a lot cheaper than going to Spider John, but the food is really bad and no one would be here to take care of my dog.
If you rich liberal snowflakes over at Tattoodo want to pay for this sleeve, send $250 bucks to my Paypal and I'll make sure to plug you on Instagram. I have over 500 followers.