When I was a child I did something really, really, really stupid. No, I'm not talking about the time I dug a six foot deep hole in the side yard just to throw the mud at the neighbor's house, only to have my mother strip me down to my skivvies and hose me down in the front yard as the girl I liked walked by. Or the time I tried to be a whirling dervish and spun around in a circle until I passed out, breaking a couple of fingers. No, I did one thing far, far stupider than any of that. I destroyed one of the most valuable action figures to ever be made.
Through what is still probably the luckiest coincidence of my entire life, I got my very young hands on one of the Boba Fett action figures with the launching rocket. These were never put into full production because of the possible choking hazard the rocket presented. (Sidebar: One of the other really dumb things I did as a kid was stuff my mouth full of marbles while playing Hungry Hungry Hippos so I could spit them at my opponents. It's amazing I made it to adulthood) But, through divine providence I had one. And it was FUCKING AWESOME.
I know that I destroyed much of the value when I took it out of the packaging, but that's besides the point. I was a kid that wanted to play with shit, not some lame-o trying to put myself through college with an investment. Hell, if you gave me the action figure again I'd tear it open and shoot the rocket at the back of my boss's head right here in the office with no second thoughts. But just because I played with it doesn't mean that I didn't respect the Fett. On the contrary, I saw how all of my friend's faces would light up when they saw that I had the coveted action figure. It was the most valuable thing in thing in the world to me at that young age.
I played with this figure every day. I knew all the Star Wars movies front to back, I knew that Boba Fett is a bad guy, but he wasn't when I was playing with him. He usually turned on the Empire and helped get Luke, Leia and whatever fuckin' Ewok had the grey stripes out of some jam. (No idea why I loved that Ewok so much...) Often these battle happened in the corner of our family room, where I had set up the Ewok Village playset. One night I was in the middle of some big battle when my mother demanded that I retire for the evening. I begged, pleaded, probably cried a little, and did every other demeaning thing I could do to earn 15 more minutes of playtime, all to no avail. My mother lamented to my request that I leave everyone in place where they were so I could continue the next day. And this is where tragedy struck.
I had placed Boba Fett's feet in the heat register in our floor so that he was standing up facing the Rancor that was standing between him and our heroes. Since the whole floor was carpeted there wasn't really any other way to get the figures to stand up, and this was a pretty smart lifehack on my part, if you ask me. But then the temperature dropped over night and the heat kicked on. As I slept cozily in the Transformers tent on my bed I imagined that all was well and I had a long day of Star Wars battles ahead of me. But with each successive time the heater clicked on more hot air poured out of the register, over the feet of my prized action figure. An action figure made out of highly vulnerable plastic....
Upon waking up I ran back out to the living room and screamed with panic/confusion/sadness/anger. My mom thought that I had injured myself and came running. Lying there on the carpet was Boba Fett... footless. His feet had melted off, thus freeing him from his standing position. I swear to this day that my Rancor action figure was smirking.
So that's how I destroyed the greatest action figure in the history of toys. And it's also why I got a Boba Fett tattoo, ain't nobody going to be melting the feet off of this Fett. Unless I come into contact with a super hot furnace and meet the same fate, but that seems highly unlikely. Knock on wood.
Enjoy these tattoos of the universe's most badass bounty hunter. Make sure to check out each artist's Instagram if you are looking to get a sick bounty hunter of your own. Oh, and always put your toys away. Don't make the same mistake I did.