Dating is no easy feat in general, but dating in New York is something else entirely. You would think that in a city with roughly 8.5 million people there would be some sort of variety to the dating pool. That fuckboys and painfully awkward scenarios would be a thing of the past, after all we were the first city to make such societal advances like the cronut and Postmates, but low and behold, New York is not above the unfathomably bad date, just as we are not above the cesspool of STD’s that is Tinder.
1. When your friend convinces you to re-download Tinder after a particularly tragic incident in which a 25 year old man-child with a burlap backpack, whose main ambition was to start his own organic hemp farm in Kenya, told you after one date that he only slept with people who “had high self esteem...sooo I don't think this is gonna work out."
2. When you’re so fed up with dating that anytime someone looks at you in the dim light of the bar, you just glare at them like
3. When you drunkenly convinced yourself one night that signing up for “Seeking Arrangements” was a good idea. “Never for money, always for love...but sometimes for money, you know…”
4. When you think you’ve finally found a nice dude, but then one day he starts to hint that he’s into some weird furry shit…
5. That time your coupled friends convinced you to go to a party, but neglected to mention that it was a sex party in a loft in Bushwick, and they were actually just trying to seduce you.
6. When your cliche Valentine’s date totally ghosts you last minute.
7. When your date is going so bad that you send up smoke signals, and your roommate calls and pretends like there’s an emergency at home that needs immediate attention.
8. The only date that can do no wrong.
9. When you finally just give up on troubleshooting your dating life, because to be honest, who really needs a significant other when you have a cat?
10. When you finally realize that all the energy you wasted could have been used on bettering yourself, and you’re just like “FUQ IT,” and finally find inner peace.