Tattoos à la Carte is our series where we savor the flavors of food tattoos and share our favorite recipes while we’re at it. In our first installment we’re looking a dish that’s American as apple pie but nothing like pie at all — steak. Make sure to keep your nose in the air for the next course as well. It’ll be sure to make your mouth water.
If there’s any food in the world that’s worthy of a tattoo tribute, it’s steak: the most delicious thing God bestowed on this green earth. It’s hard to describe the intense pleasure of chewing on a slice of ruby-red meat; it’s at once savory, decadent, and primal, capable of putting even the most refined gourmand in touch with their carnivorous roots. In short, steak — with its rich flavor and melt-in-your mouth texture — was meant to be celebrated on people’s bodies, not just eaten. So, without any more hullabaloo, here are some tattoos of sirloins, T-bones, etc., and our recommended recipe — pan-seared filet mignon — which only takes a few minutes to whip up:
1. Preheat your oven to a roasty-toasty 400 degrees.
2. Mince the garlic, chop the thyme and parsley, soften two of the tablespoons of butter, and then vigorously mix everything together, the lemon zest included. Afterward, set the condiments in the fridge to solidify while you get to cooking.
3. Melt the leftover butter and mix it with the olive oil in a skillet over a high flame. Season your meat. Sear each side the filet until they’re both a chestnut shade of brown, and then set it in the oven for no more than six minutes to keep it on the rarer side or a bit longer if you like it well-done. (Editor’s Note: If you like your steak well-done please know that you are committing a crime against humanity and should feel terrible for having horrific taste.)
4. Once the filet is cooked to your personal perfection, take it out, making sure to sniff up the aroma of the delectable creation, and then plate it with your preferred sides (we suggest a baked potato, some green beans, corn on the cob, and a dollop of vanilla ice cream for dessert). Always remember to slather on the buttery garlic compound to your heart’s content.
Voila, there you have it — one of the most delicious meals imaginable in under half an hour, and all it took was barely knowing your way around the kitchen and one dead cow. It’s that easy and guaranteed to have that same great red-blooded American taste every time.
To see more USDA approved body art, visit these artists’ Instagrams. If you love steak more than any other food in the world, think about getting a tattoo of a T-bone or sirloin served up on your body. It’s the classiest design a carnivorous foodie could ever desire.