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Why You Should Get a Tattoo on Your Dick

Why You Should Get a Tattoo on Your Dick
Funny4 min Read

If you are on the fence about getting some ink on your wang, I say go for it.

Everyone wants to leave behind a legacy. People want to be remembered for the things they've done, the history they've left behind, and how their actions can shape the future. There are multiple ways that people can do this. They can become a famous musician/actor/artist, they can invent something that changes the world, they can write a book. There are numerous ways that people can leave behind a legacy.

One of the easiest ways that a person can become instantly memorable is by getting a dick tattoo.

Now before you go all crazy, hear me out. I know that getting a dick tattoo can sound a little extreme, and the pain that might go along with it seems like it would be unbearable, but if you're looking to leave a lasting impression on someone, there is no better or easier way to accomplish this than by getting a dick tattoo.

Sexual prowess is easily one thing that just about everyone would like to improve in their life. Many people feel inadequate with their skills in the bedroom, many men feel insufficient about their size, and for the most part, there isn't really much you can do about that. It's a real sore spot for those people who suffer from these afflictions, but having a dick tattoo can absolutely mask these shortcomings (PUN!).

You see, part of the reason why people want to have an enormous wang is because they want people to talk about it. They want their lover to go to their friends and brag, "That dude had the biggest dick!" Or people want to be so proficient at their skills in the sack, they want their lover to go around saying things like "That guy was the best I ever had."

Well, if you weren't gifted with these lucky attributes, getting a dick tattoo is a pretty great course of action, in my opinion. You might be thinking to yourself, "Why the hell would I ever want to get a dick tattoo? This guy is insane." Let me give you some positives of getting a dick tattoo, and I promise that by the end of this article, I will have convinced at least one person to get a dick tattoo, trust me.

1. It shows that you're tough.

A big reason that people are afraid of getting tattoos is the pain associated with the endeavor. They hear horror stories about what places are the worst, and they squirm when they see someone getting tattooed.

Well, think about the pain involved in getting a dick tattoo. Yeah. Seems pretty rough, right? But if you go through with it, you will instantly be recognized as one of the toughest dudes ever. People don't have the guts to go through with a tattoo on their arm, and you went ahead and got one on your dick. That's badass, man. And because of that, you are now a badass.

2. It shows body confidence.

Hey, guess what kind of people don't have dick tattoos — people who don't want people looking at their dick. If you've got a dick tattoo, it's now a big, flashing sign that shows that you aren't ashamed of who you are and what you're packing. Even if you have a three-inch dick, the confidence it takes to get a dick tattoo adds at least two confidence inches.

3. The "Wow" factor.

Pulling your pants off and presenting your tattooed dick to your lover will instantly get a reaction, especially the first time they see it. They will see that you exude something — they don't know what — but they know it's awesome. Once they see it, they'll know that you're not like most people with dicks. You tattooed your dick, which makes you automatically better and you'll stand out from the pack.

4. You'd be instantly memorable.

Back to my first paragraph about people wanting to leave behind a legacy. There is a good chance that if you tattoo your dick, you will be the only person your lover has seen with a tattooed dick. Now they won't be talking about how small/big it is, or how good/bad you are in bed. The topic of conversation will be about your tattooed willy. And now they will tell that story to just about anyone who will listen. You are now an amazing story. You are a legend. Bravo, man. Bravo.

5. It's not visible while clothed.

Another issue people have with getting tattoos is they think it would interfere with them getting a job/role. Tattoos are still kind of taboo in some professional industries, and some jerks frown upon people with them. Well, if you have a dick tattoo, no one will know except the people you want to show it to. And there's a good chance that by the time people see your dick tattoo, they aren't going to fire you from your job because of it.

6. You're already doing the aftercare.

When you get a tattoo, you typically have to lotion the tattooed area, right? Well, aren't you already lotioning up your wiener when you're jacking it? Yeah, most guys are. So, you're already used to that.

So if you want an easy way to make a lasting impression on people, I highly recommend getting a dick tattoo. It may hurt temporarily, but the legacy you will leave behind is inarguable.

If you don't want to get a dick tattoo now, I guess good luck with your whole legacy thing. I'll be out here with my tattooed dick brethren, becoming a legend.

Heroes get remembered, but legends never die.

Written byJoe

I'm Joe. I'm a comedian and writer from Baltimore. Follow me on Twitter @joewelkie